Saturday, August 1, 2009

A Hairy Traveler in Medellin




Sometimes when I'm traveling I like to do nothing more at night than stay in my room and watch the local television channels, and if they're too terrible, then all the English gossip shows.

During my second night at the Hotel Buena Vista in Medellin, two men were drinking and laughing loudly in the room adjacent to mine, their voices echoing up and down the cavernous hallway. I peeked out from behind my curtain a few times and cursed their open door, wishing they'd just shut it up and cut the volume. I didn't want them to see me and I didn't want to say anything, but when it got close to midnight and dudes were just getting drunker and louder, I poked my head out my door and gave them the evil eye before closing my door again. They got the message because not long after that, the visitor left and it was quiet.

I fell asleep, but some time later on my way to the bathroom I tripped against the bathroom door, whacking the door knob against the wall that I shared with my neighbor. I peeked out my window to his room to see if the bang had woken him up. His door was open and as my eyes adjusted to the dark in his room I could see in the flickering light of his television that he was on his back, propped up on his elbows with his feet pointing in my direction. He stared in my direction.

I jumped away from the curtains and shrank back, huddling in the dark. Then I heard a moan and the creak of his bed. I had to look again and he was now face down laying diagonally across his bed. Even though the light was dim I could still see him, naked, and what stunned me more than his nudity was that he had the hairiest butt. Ever. Think Sasquatch. He was covered in a heavy layer of fur from his neck right down to his bony ankles, with the padded feet of a gorilla. 

I reached for the latch on my door to make sure it was locked but I wasn't that worried because there's nothing like a layer of hardcore wrinkles plus cold cream to repel even the most ardent rapist.

I eventually fell asleep, but when I awoke in the morning his hairy, ape-like body was the first thought in my mind. I peeked out my window, but his door was closed, and when I returned to my room later that day, Sasquatch was gone.