Travelling Alone

 

A 32-year-old woman was taking a break to go on a one-year travelling trek alone. She quit her job and had a farewell party with friends; she sold all her belongings and stored the rest at her mother's house. She hoped it would spark a change, lead her to a deeper and greater understanding of herself and the world. And it did. But not in the way she may have imagined because the unexpected fear, isolation and loneliness drove her to despair and after only six weeks, she packed her bags in resignation and headed home.

Travelling alone is not as easy as one would think. Mental fortitude is required and, perhaps, is more of a requirement than being physically fit since there are unforeseen and unexpected difficulties and emotionally demanding situations that you must push through in order to continue forward in your travel.

Being alone on the road also requires different skill sets than your normal day-to-day living, which is normally routine, mundane and predictable. It doesn't require the intuition and mental fortitude that being in unfamiliar surroundings among strangers for weeks, sometimes months, requires. In a foreign country, with no family, no friends in an unfamiliar culture, the day-to-day is constantly new and unexpected and you must juggle the unfamiliar and work within that context, overcoming anxiety and fear in order to push through and go on. You must try to intuit scams and danger from people and intuit what could be a serious situation which could endanger your life. You sometimes must interact in a more assertive fashion than what you may be comfortable in order to obtain assistance from others.

Travelling long-term is about the people you meet. Strangers become your lifeline, your friend, the family that you must rely on when travelling in a foreign country and you must choose wisely. Hostels or small guesthouses may be the best places to meet individuals with whom you may share interests. If you 'click,' these sporadic exchanges can be a source of inner renewal. A smile, a conversation with a fellow traveller leading to a shared dinner and drinks, a night out, all can do wonders to recharge a soul. Experiences with others can enhance or ruin a trip. I make it a point to settle in to a local bakery, cafe or bar and chat with the locals. If you're shy and inhibited and hesitant to talk to strangers, long-term travel is not for you.

What traits are helpful for the individual traveller? Inner strength, ingenuity, intuition, the ability to be alone, confidence, forgiveness and a sense of connection to others in the world.

Inner strength is essential because loneliness and anxiety can overwhelm if you're tired or nostalgic. It may be easier to just pack it in and buy a ticket home rather than fight through the feelings, but once you returned home, you would feel that you failed, you gave up too soon. On the road, you must be ready to make every decision about where to go, mode of travel and schedule, where to stay, how long to stay. The beauty of travelling alone is there is no consulting with a friend who may want to do otherwise, no tedious decision-making process that could lead to arguments and unhappiness.

There is no one to blame for mistakes other than you. You are your own support system and counsellor. At times, even if you feel down, you have to force yourself to move, force yourself to converse, force yourself to be a part of others. This is where intuition and ingenuity come into play because you must choose wisely among people. If you get a 'no' feeling from someone you've met, listen to it and move on. How many times have you heard someone say 'I should have listened to myself.'

Most people come in pairs, travel in pairs and lack the consideration towards others who are travelling alone. And that's where confidence and forgiveness comes in. You have to forgive people and others, particularly tourists, for their lack of understanding towards singular travellers who face the world on their own. Understand that most people just don't care about what your trip is all about. It's human nature to be self-absorbed. This is where forgiveness comes in because you could get stuck in a rut of resentment and dislike and that only leads to depression and self-pity. Why doesn't anybody care about me? These are deadly thoughts that can spiral out of control.

Ironically, sometimes the hardest time to be travelling alone is when you are surrounded by others. You can feel unseen. Particularly on holidays or festivals or any other special occasion where families, friends and couples are out enjoying a day and there you are, invisibly wandering alone. But this can also be a time of the greatest appreciation and love for others - appreciation and gratefulness that you've been blessed to be able to experience and see these special events in another country, on another continent, in another culture.